Most couples revel in closeness. Most of us see knowing everything about the other person, sharing everything together, and creating a true unison of souls as hallmarks of a strong relationship. But in this excerpt from her recently released book Love Between Equals: Relationships as a Spiritual Path, psychotherapist Dr. Polly Young-Eisendrath shows couples the power of honoring the space in between.
Becoming a witness begins with a gap. In order to see yourself in someone else's eyes and to see the other person, there has to be a space between you—something I like to call a "mindful gap," taking that idea from the British subway system in which a recorded voice shouts to passengers stepping onto the train, "Mind the gap!" Between you and your beloved, you must learn to mind the gap. This means taking a step back and remembering that you do not know or see or feel exactly or precisely what is going on with your partner or even what is going on with yourself.