Making children the center of attention fosters the belief that their needs are paramount. Helping children recognize when it is appropriate to expect attention teaches them that relationships are about both parties, and that it is as important to recognize and respond to the needs of others as it is to have their own needs met. It also underscores the importance of connection as the foundation of success and happiness.
To foster behavior in children and families that supports balanced relationships and respect for the feelings and needs of others.
1. Encouraging Respectful Behavior and Awareness of Others.
Children often demand attention out of a natural self-centeredness and lack of awareness of others. Although giving in to their demands may bring temporary peace, it also teaches children to think of themselves before others and to expect to have their demands met, whether appropriate or not.
When children behave disruptively and adults gently and honestly communicate how and why such behavior is inappropriate, children learn that they do not automatically take priority and that other people have needs and wants, too.
When adults teach empathy-that others deserve the same respect, care, and happiness as ourselves'children develop a keen sensitivity to others' responses and emotions as a part of daily life.
Think about situations in which your children commonly demand your attention. Plan what you might say in the future to bring the needs of others, including yourself, into focus. Consider how you can help your children:
- Develop a set of criteria for assessing the network of feelings and needs in a particular situation.
- Learn to determine which needs and feelings will take precedence based on those criteria (rather than on a me-first basis).
When children behave in a way that is hurtful to others, encourage them to step into that person's shoes, imagine how the other person feels, and think about what would need to be done to remedy the situation.
2. Examine your own feelings and attitudes.
- Notice how you feel when other people's children exhibit inappropriate behavior. Are you willing to tell other people's children to be more polite? Do you respond the same way to your own children?
- Notice what happens when children dominate social situations. What message do children receive when they are made the center of attention and allowed to disrupt conversations or activities?